"I despise my own behaviour" - IN THE LIGHT by DC Talk

An opportunity
that I was looking for, praying for
was there. I knew it was there. But
I killed it by letting it die.

Was I predestined to fail? Did I even have control?
it does not matter, for I - I - chose to do what I did.

I chose to not help my friend
many reasons why I should - I'm in agony leaving things the same - but I let things be.
Was I scared?
Or did I just not care.

I know and knew - to know - that
my friend is unware of reality
and I could have made a difference.
Instead, I betrayed not only this friend,
but the Greatest Friend.
I can't escape being a friend-hater.

But
later, I was talking to a friend
catching up on each other's life
(though we hadn't been aware beforehand)
and I realized that maybe I'll overcome
no, not me, but God through me.
Trust.